Independent Bliss

For some, there comes a point in your life when you are blissfully happy with who you are and where you are at in this journey. This bliss is independent of people, significant others, children, work or environment: as in, none of the mentioned affect your happiness and relationship with the self.

You might not be where you thought you’d be, but you realize you are enamored with this leg of your journey. Every move seems beautiful, even if it isn’t the right one. Not everyone gets to experience this, and sometimes you have to work towards this bliss. And sometimes it comes after extreme heartache, struggles or a downfall. I believe you might even have to hit rock bottom to know it.

But when you do…when you can sit in a room and stare at the ceiling and be content with the life you live, you’ve reached it. You’re there. You know you have arrived and you are capable of reaching your goals and experiencing life fully. You are whole.

That’s my two cents.

Advertisements

Hindsight is Always 20/20

Blog fail.

I have to apologize for my two weeks of absence.  Lots of changes have happened in my life, and it’s been difficult to put fingers to keyboard and write with one clear frame of mind when my energy is focused on trying to get my life in order.  I normally don’t write about the little details of my life here.  And I try to be super positive and inspirational, but even inspirational people go through hard times.  We’re human, but sometimes the blog world forces us to put on a happy face and write about all the good things.  When in reality, the true human experience isn’t always good, it’s not always sunshine and unicorns and puppy dogs, even though I love me some puppy dogs.

So I’ve got some things to say, and…

the first big announcement: I left my job in the DC area.

Probably not on the best terms either.  Oh well.  It’s okay.  I wasn’t happy and I’ve figured out that Paula + desk + computer isn’t the best combination.  You learn things in moments like these; I guess I learned that maybe I’m just not cut out for the conventional 9 to 5 workplace.  That I really need to be doing something I’m passionate about when it comes to my career.

And then maybe another thing I learned is the company I worked for sucked majorly.  I wish I could rant and rave here, perhaps insert some expletives on my blog about, as I will, in all professionalism call them “Company X”, but I’d like to have a real-life job again one day and future employers (hi there!) might be reading this.  And well, “Company X” doesn’t really deserve the letters that I would type about it anyways.  It’s water under the bridge.

Second announcement: I’m moving back home to live with the parents for a while and figure things out (read: save money).

Eight months ago, I thought that moving to the DC area was going to give me some big epiphany.  I had visions that awesome, intellectual people would surround me every single night.  Maybe I’d even find a boyfriend, stop being so lonely, but all the single guys in DC suck  that definitely didn’t happen.  I also thought that I was missing out on something.  What is this something?  Does it even exist?  And in reality, I wasn’t.

I did the DC area thing for eight months.  Eight months of traffic, crappy public transportation and expensive rent.  Eight months of gas that was 30 cents more a gallon than in my hometown, a major city just two hours south.   Eight months of hour-long commutes five days a week.

I learned that unless you’re actually living in “DC proper”, you really won’t be doing a lot of “DC things”, nope; in fact, you’ll be doing a lot of suburbia things.

So I learned.  Would I live in the DC area again one day?  Yes, if I was living in the confines of the District.  But never again, Northern Virginia suburbia.  Never.  Ever.

And I know this post has been very pessimistic about my DC area experience.  I know, I know, who wants to read Debbie Downer’s blog? I certainly don’t.  And there were a lot of really awesome things I had the opportunity to experience during my time there, which I definitely touched on in some of my prior blog posts.  But this is what I’m feeling right now.  This is why I’ve decided to come home.

So what am I doing with my life now, you might wonder?

Well, I’m going to be working a less than my education level job as a pool manager, but that’s okay because it means no more Paula + desk + computer.  Yay!  I like being outside, I like people, and I like not staring at a computer and scanning receipts for eight hours a day.  And I used to lifeguard about five years ago so I kind of know the territory.  At the end of the day, I’ll also learn some valuable skills like, how to save people’s lives.  That’s kind of valuable, I think.  Maybe.

And it’s temporary.  Right now, I really need to, for my sanity, save money before I embark on a big life adventure I have tentative plans for this fall.

More on that later.